| The Addiction Closet |
| ...Come out of the dark |
My name is Mike T. I'm the youngest of 3 children. Being the only boy, I was always outcast from my sisters. I spent most of my time alone
and felt out of place. I felt like I didn't fit in with the other kids in school so I stayed separated from everyone the best I could. Both of my
parents drank daily. My father was a police officer, and usually when he came home from work he was in a pissed off mood. More often than
not there was a lot of yelling going on in the house, another reason for me to hide.
When I was 13 my oldest sister started partying. After watching her for a year I decided to try a drink. I remembered back from my childhood
when my father would let me sip from his beers and how good that taste. I got drunk for the first time, and so it began....I started to fit in with
the "cool crowd " and even though my father didn't know I was drinking, I felt like he would be proud of me because I was doing the same
thing he was. After a short time I realized that I wasn't drinking to fit in anymore, I was doing it because I loved the way it made me feel. I
didn't feel alone and timid when I was drunk, but outgoing and invincible.
At age 23 I got my third DWI and that one was a felony. I was on probation and had to complete outpatient treatment to get my license back.
I wouldn't admit that I was an alcoholic because I only drank on the weekends. So I kept violating my probation until they finally gave me a
year in jail and revoked my probation. When I got out of jail I got my license back, continued drinking, and everything was back to normal.
My weekend drinking progressed to a couple times a week too. Soon after that I bumped into a girl I went to school with. Didn't take long to
fall in love because we already had feelings for each other. We were together for five years and engaged to be married. I finally had the
happiness I was looking for but for some reason I was feeling depressed and I was drinking daily and more of it. We were struggling
financially and I was feeling like I wasn't good enough for her anymore. I kept drinking more and she finally had enough and left me. I felt like
it was the end of the world. Of all the relationships I had been in, I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I felt all
alone and started drinking from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. I felt like I couldn't go on any longer and was looking for a
reason to live.
A few years had passed, my drinking got even worse, and I ended up with no place to live. I was sleeping in my car and in the break room at
work. The day after my b-day in 2010 I was pulled over by the police because my insurance had lapsed. I also owed the DMV a fine for a
speeding ticket I got a year prior so I had no license and of course I had been drinking. I ended up with another felony and 5 years’
probation. As we all know, you’re not supposed to drink while on probation. I knew I had a problem but was unaware how bad it really was. I
tried not to drink but found out that I didn't want to drink but I needed to drink. I remember in December, after drinking an 18 pack and a
bottle of slo-gin holding one of my father’s pistols to my head looking once again for a reason to live. If it weren't for my son I believe I
wouldn't be here today. He gave me the strength to hold on.
I had to appear in court for a violation because i was caught drinking numerous times and being the alcoholic that I am I had a few beers
before I went, not realizing that would be the last time I drank. The bailiff smelled alcohol on me and gave me a breath test. I was intoxicated
so he told the judge. He wasn't happy with me. The next day my lawyer came to see me in jail. I told him I needed help. I couldn't go without a
drink. The next day he came back and asked if I wanted to go to rehab, that he could set it up for me if the judge would ok it. I accepted with
open arms.
My first week in rehab was good. I knew I needed to be there and wanted to get my life back. The second and third week where more
difficult. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. My addiction was telling me to get out of there and another part of me was telling me to stay.
One night while lying in bed, feeling all alone, I was thinking about what had become of my life. I remember blaming God for all the pain I had
felt in my life and feeling like He turned His back on me long ago. Something happened inside of me that made me realize that God was right
there with me. It was God that gave me the strength to ask for help and it was He that got me into rehab.
I realized that for the first time in my life that I was finally on the path that God wanted me on. Treatment became easier for me after that
night. I told my counselor that I didn't think 28 days of treatment was enough after drinking for 25 years so I asked if I could go to a halfway
house. When it was time for my discharge there were no beds available so I was told that I could go home and wait for one. I was too afraid
to go home because I didn't feel strong enough and I didn't want to drink. I asked if they could arrange for me to go to the jail and wait there
where I knew I would be safe. They didn't want to see me in jail so they gave me an extension to wait there.
After 46 days in rehab I was on my way to a halfway house over 200 miles from home. Being so far from my family, especially my son has
been tough but it allows me to focus more on myself and on my recovery which is the most important thing for me right now. My first thought
of AA, over 15 years ago, couldn't be any farther from the truth. When I first started going and listening to people talk it was the most
wonderful feeling knowing that I wasn't all alone anymore. It wasn't until I started to work the program that I felt the changes in my life
happening.
I have been sober for only 7 months now but I feel like a totally different person. I live my life now instead of just existing and I love it. If you
pay attention to the ninth step promises and rewards that you here at the meetings and want what they offer, they do come true if you work
for it. The choice is yours.
and felt out of place. I felt like I didn't fit in with the other kids in school so I stayed separated from everyone the best I could. Both of my
parents drank daily. My father was a police officer, and usually when he came home from work he was in a pissed off mood. More often than
not there was a lot of yelling going on in the house, another reason for me to hide.
When I was 13 my oldest sister started partying. After watching her for a year I decided to try a drink. I remembered back from my childhood
when my father would let me sip from his beers and how good that taste. I got drunk for the first time, and so it began....I started to fit in with
the "cool crowd " and even though my father didn't know I was drinking, I felt like he would be proud of me because I was doing the same
thing he was. After a short time I realized that I wasn't drinking to fit in anymore, I was doing it because I loved the way it made me feel. I
didn't feel alone and timid when I was drunk, but outgoing and invincible.
At age 23 I got my third DWI and that one was a felony. I was on probation and had to complete outpatient treatment to get my license back.
I wouldn't admit that I was an alcoholic because I only drank on the weekends. So I kept violating my probation until they finally gave me a
year in jail and revoked my probation. When I got out of jail I got my license back, continued drinking, and everything was back to normal.
My weekend drinking progressed to a couple times a week too. Soon after that I bumped into a girl I went to school with. Didn't take long to
fall in love because we already had feelings for each other. We were together for five years and engaged to be married. I finally had the
happiness I was looking for but for some reason I was feeling depressed and I was drinking daily and more of it. We were struggling
financially and I was feeling like I wasn't good enough for her anymore. I kept drinking more and she finally had enough and left me. I felt like
it was the end of the world. Of all the relationships I had been in, I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I felt all
alone and started drinking from the time I woke up till the time I went to bed. I felt like I couldn't go on any longer and was looking for a
reason to live.
A few years had passed, my drinking got even worse, and I ended up with no place to live. I was sleeping in my car and in the break room at
work. The day after my b-day in 2010 I was pulled over by the police because my insurance had lapsed. I also owed the DMV a fine for a
speeding ticket I got a year prior so I had no license and of course I had been drinking. I ended up with another felony and 5 years’
probation. As we all know, you’re not supposed to drink while on probation. I knew I had a problem but was unaware how bad it really was. I
tried not to drink but found out that I didn't want to drink but I needed to drink. I remember in December, after drinking an 18 pack and a
bottle of slo-gin holding one of my father’s pistols to my head looking once again for a reason to live. If it weren't for my son I believe I
wouldn't be here today. He gave me the strength to hold on.
I had to appear in court for a violation because i was caught drinking numerous times and being the alcoholic that I am I had a few beers
before I went, not realizing that would be the last time I drank. The bailiff smelled alcohol on me and gave me a breath test. I was intoxicated
so he told the judge. He wasn't happy with me. The next day my lawyer came to see me in jail. I told him I needed help. I couldn't go without a
drink. The next day he came back and asked if I wanted to go to rehab, that he could set it up for me if the judge would ok it. I accepted with
open arms.
My first week in rehab was good. I knew I needed to be there and wanted to get my life back. The second and third week where more
difficult. I was on an emotional rollercoaster. My addiction was telling me to get out of there and another part of me was telling me to stay.
One night while lying in bed, feeling all alone, I was thinking about what had become of my life. I remember blaming God for all the pain I had
felt in my life and feeling like He turned His back on me long ago. Something happened inside of me that made me realize that God was right
there with me. It was God that gave me the strength to ask for help and it was He that got me into rehab.
I realized that for the first time in my life that I was finally on the path that God wanted me on. Treatment became easier for me after that
night. I told my counselor that I didn't think 28 days of treatment was enough after drinking for 25 years so I asked if I could go to a halfway
house. When it was time for my discharge there were no beds available so I was told that I could go home and wait for one. I was too afraid
to go home because I didn't feel strong enough and I didn't want to drink. I asked if they could arrange for me to go to the jail and wait there
where I knew I would be safe. They didn't want to see me in jail so they gave me an extension to wait there.
After 46 days in rehab I was on my way to a halfway house over 200 miles from home. Being so far from my family, especially my son has
been tough but it allows me to focus more on myself and on my recovery which is the most important thing for me right now. My first thought
of AA, over 15 years ago, couldn't be any farther from the truth. When I first started going and listening to people talk it was the most
wonderful feeling knowing that I wasn't all alone anymore. It wasn't until I started to work the program that I felt the changes in my life
happening.
I have been sober for only 7 months now but I feel like a totally different person. I live my life now instead of just existing and I love it. If you
pay attention to the ninth step promises and rewards that you here at the meetings and want what they offer, they do come true if you work
for it. The choice is yours.
I am a 21 year old opiate addict from New
York that’s been using drugs since age 13.
My addiction to Oxycontin and heroin has
brought me to some dark places...
READ MORE
York that’s been using drugs since age 13.
My addiction to Oxycontin and heroin has
brought me to some dark places...
READ MORE
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